Uncomfortable Change

Change is uncomfortable. This is a fact that we all know, so we avoid it right? Contrarily, change only usually happens in the uncomfortable. Seems ironic, doesn't it.

On one side, change in society has been treated like a bad thing. I know I have often been reprimanded for “changing.” Like, “You aren’t the same person I married,” “Why are you acting so different,” etc. When I looked back at it though, it was the people hurting me that said these things. They weren't willing to change and didn't like when others did, which made sense as to why they stayed the same and continued to hurt me.

But imagine if we not only accepted change, but welcomed it? Or maybe even look forward to it? I've learned lately to be proud when someone says, "You've changed." Oh, don't get me wrong they tend to be saying it negatively, but I choose to see it as a compliment. Like: "Why yes, I have grown into a better person and am welcoming the change that is essential to living a happy healthy life."

So why is change so hard exactly? I’ll tell you why because it’s uncomfortable and frankly, change is work. We like what we know. I know for a fact that I did. See even when things harm us, we get used to them and we accept them (until we literally can’t). It was comfortable for me to be in a marriage where he drank and yelled (I was used to it), but yet I stayed in it for three years. Bigger than that it was a relationship in which he came first, no exceptions and I was used to that, my father did it. Actually, I did that. I put men first in my life and I attracted men who put themselves first too.

One day, I realized this toxic habit had to go. I looked the situation in the eye and realized this isn't what I wanted; then I was faced with a choice. A choice to stay where I was and ignore the problems, or a choice to make a change and face the problem head on.

I made the choice to step into the uncomfortable, because I knew regardless of how much it hurt or how hard it was, I needed to change. I needed to step out of these toxic situations and face some tough baggage I’d been ignoring.

I am no longer in that marriage, and I no longer let my father drink around me. I no longer sacrifice who I am for them. That’s not because of anything they changed, it’s because I made a choice to change. I stopped letting their happiness, their emotions, and their life come before my own.

I finally decided that’s not what I wanted anymore. I didn't want that path for my life. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be happy. Most importantly I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror and like myself and like my life. Really isn't this what we all want? However, the reality is it takes a lot of work, self-awareness, reflection and change in order for that to happen. Trust me it's worth it though.

It's been about three years since I took that huge step and left that emotionally abusive marriage. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but one of the best. I desperately needed to take a hard look inward to understand why I had found that relationship acceptable.

Looking inward and taking outward steps is one of the hardest things we do, but the most necessary. It's been a constant journey of uncomfortable necessary change ever since.

So here's to being happy with the girl in the mirror and the life she is living. And if you are finding yourself in a situation that you have been questioning, but have been held back out of fear, out of being uncomfortable, out of lack of self-worth, or whatever the reason, give yourself grace and permission to assess and change. Change to find your best self and best life.

Get uncomfortable.