Growth & Celebration

“The first step to getting anywhere is deciding you’re no longer willing to stay where you are.” -Anonymous

I haven’t written much lately, and the reason is because I got married about a month ago! It’s been a whirlwind of a year getting ready for it (emotionally and logistically) and then enjoying all that comes with it!

In preparing to get ready for a marriage and a wedding, while I did pick out decorations, flowers, food, etc. That wasn’t my focus. My focus for my wedding and marriage was to be present. My focus was on the emotional aspects I needed to ensure my day was what it was meant to be. A celebration of love and joy in a partnership to begin.

Getting married again had its triggers that I had to face and get through. The questions of can I trust myself to not make the same mistakes again. Knowing that I knew it would take a lot of practice on being present and getting past those to not let them consume my engagment or consume my wedding day.

The day was incredible. I know that is a generic statement so let me break it down. Here is what was incredible:

It was incredible that I didn’t worry about what I looked like or this or that flaw, I just felt beautiful.

It was incredible that I was completely present, I wasn’t thinking back to the past or worried about the future, just totally in the moment.

It was incredible I was calm; questions were quieted, and I was at total peace with who I was and who I was marrying.

It was incredible that after some long years of an abusive past marriage and years of coping with the triggers and healing; I found myself being entirely grateful for the work I had done, because in that moment when I finally chose to get remarried all the work paid off.

What an incredible feeling to know that all that work came full circle so that I was prepared to love myself, love the moment, and love him.

I know I wouldn’t have gotten to that point without the therapy, without the work. Four years ago, I found myself heartbroken and traumatized after a failed abusive marriage, not sure how I would survive the grief, not sure how I would rewire the immense damage done by the trauma, not sure how I would trust again.

But the true testament came when I was calm making the decision to marry again. It was a true testament that I felt safe and loved. Totally present without a doubt in my mind because I’d done the work. I’d healed so many elements of my traumatic past in order to be there.

So, no matter where you are in your journey, when you decide you are no longer willing to stay in a place of hurt, no longer willing to let the pain have control, you make a choice, and do the work. The results will come, the growth will come, the healing will come.

While I’m not saying I’m totally healed, new things still show up and I have to work to address them. But this moment isn’t about that. This moment is about stopping to be grateful for my growth and celebrate the work I have done. Ultimately celebrate the happiness I’ve found.